Salla’s Secret Guide to Senior Management Team03.03.2016
A little over three years ago, when I put on my scout neckie with a blue KISC name badge, I knew I’d be wearing it for quite a while and sometimes under quite interesting conditions. But boy did I know what was lying ahead! In order to not just to survive, but to make sure things go as smooth as freshly waxed dining hall floor even in the most challenging times, I’d like to open the treasure chest and reveal some methods I’ve found very practical in tackling phenomena like questionable brown nuggets flowing down the road or corridors, and stray cats.
• Make sure to cuddle the cat
• Don’t cuddle the brown nuggets no matter how furry
• Coffee. But don’t make a tower higher than 6 cups on your desk; very unstable. Then, water your desk plants with the cold, forgotten cups of coffee. Never drink coffee that’s been on your desk longer than a day
• Sleep under your desk. Though only during lunch breaks or if you turn up to work an hour too early because it’s Sunday
• Hide any food from the director. Especially sweets and chocolate TimTams your friends send you from Australia; they are to be consumed after hours and in the dark
• Make cat noises
o Mundane, everyday greetings can easily be replaced with meowing. A meow is more versatile than a regular “Hi” or “Hello” as it allows the usage of new and sensational tones without seeming too ridiculous or over the top. Also, try out experimental movements and body postures, such as crawling on the floor, or putting your hands by your cheeks to imitate paws. If you wish to dazzle your colleagues, use one of your hands to make a small movement of “ggrrr-meow” at a person you fancy. It never fails.
• Nutella with a spoon directly from the jar and too much at a time
• Dance like no-one’s watching and if they are, throw in some cat noises. Though be careful not to hiss at anyone
• Throw things at others. Harmless things, like crumbled paper, chocolate powder, müsli or mittens
• Sing loudly even if you can’t sing. “The hills are alive with the sound of music” has proven to be effective, even if that’s the only line you remember
I have to admit that some of these methods or tips are a little questionable and may not transfer well to all working environments. Also, I’ve detected some resistance from my fellow Senior Management Team, as well as all staff in general, towards throwing things at them or singing loudly. Regardless of these little setbacks, I can gladly recommend trying any of them!